This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
