I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
