do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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