Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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