put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
