a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
