Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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