my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
