I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
