can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Can Purell be used as lube?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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