I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just high enough for therapy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
