I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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