I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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