So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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