I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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