So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
