that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
