it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
