1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
