my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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