she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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