dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I understand Curling. That high.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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