Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
