I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm jealous of your bromance
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
