So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
