After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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