Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
