hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
