I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
