**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
