I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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