her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
