I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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