Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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