Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
