Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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