I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
