It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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