just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
