i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
