I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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