Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't put those talents on a resume
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
