I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
