just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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