i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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