I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
