Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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