i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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