I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
