how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
