He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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